Life's Sick Joke
by LiechUSA
Summary: Highschool-AU Lovino finds out something vey distressing going on with his brother and starts to loose himself. Antonio is his only escape from reality, but he doesn't have the courage to ask. Trigger-Warning: self-harm, depression, and just general angst
1. Chapter 1

_Calm down_.

Lovino felt a bead of sweat drip down his forehead. He breathed heavily. He stared at the open E-mail page. "It's now or never." Personally the boy didn't care if his mother told him to go to sleep, fuck that! Rosa was a caring mother but she never was there when he really needed her. _Just type you mother fucking pussy_! He swallowed and started calmly.

Trying to pour out as much possible feeling.

After the Italian finished his letter like monologue, he clicked _send_ with shaking hands.

The Spaniard hummed to himself. Today had been a nice day, he got to sneak many glances at his adorable little tomato. He sighed contently. _Oh Lovi is so precious!_ Antonio had been trying to find a way to cheer his little henchman up. For Lovino had been acting quite odd at school lately and Antonio had never felt so determined in his whole life.

Hearing a beep, Antonio rolled over to see that he had a new E-mail in his inbox. He smiled seeing it was from the hotheaded Italian he had been thinking of for the past hour.

Opening it he saw what seemed to be some sort of weird speech, but it was indeed addressed to him…

 _Hey Bastard,_

 _Look I know it's like fucking 10:00 or whatever, I'm too lazy to look at the clock. I just kind of wanted to hear what you would do… this is a completely hypothetical question and if you don't know what that word means, google it!_

Spain laughed and felt his chest heat up at the thought of Lovi asking for his opinion. he smiled and continued reading, what he considered the holy grail turned into words.

 _It's just… say that you were going through a fucking rough time, not that I care. But, you're going through a hard time because someone is having a hard time as well. you aren't exactly sure of what to do but half of you wants to tell someone but the other doesn't._

He stares. Lovi knows someone going through a hard time? _Who could it be? Not trying to be rude but my Lovi doesn't really know too many people to worry about them…_

He realizes that he's sadly reached the end of the E-mail.

He closes his E-mail. Antonio decides that he'll investigate tomorrow when Lovi is easier to be caught when lying.

He switches off the light on his bedside table.

Lovino stares at the screen, expecting an instant reply but sighs when nothing appears in his inbox. He get's out of his bed and walks down the hall to where his younger brother resides. Wary of entering, he eventually knocks on the door. He hears rustling from behind the piece of wood blocking his entrance.

"Lovino?" A high-pitched voices asks. "What's wrong, do you know what time it?" He whispers to the older boy. Loving snaps out of his little trance and stands there looking dumbly.

"Uh, Feliciano? I know this is kind of stupid but…" The boy looks up at his older brother with curiosity.

"Oh what the fuck! Feliciano! Please tell me what's wrong!" He whisper-screams frantically. Feliciano just looks down at the floor. His eyes glazed over and he sighs. "No _fratello_ , I'm absolutely fine, and if anyone asks just tell them that the cat was being antsy in my lap." He smiles what's supposed to be reassuring but it only confirms Lovino's fears. While being lost in his train of thought, the door had been shut and locked.

He sighs and walks back down the hallway and again goes back to his computer table. Instead of trying to reach Antonio again, he puts a search into Google;

 _Warning signs of suicide_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: First time ever doing one of these! Yeeeaaah never really found the need for disclaimers, I mean it** ** _is_** **FANFICTION! But Yeah…. you get the jazz…**

The next day, Lovino was greeted by an overly worrisome spaniard.  
"Lovi!" He had a thin sheet of sweat on his brow and was panting as if he had rushed over. "What the hell you want Antonio?" Loving snapped. Antonio's brow creased in confusion.  
"But Lovi! I'm worried… I got your E-mail and-" Before he could finish though, he was cut off. "It doesn't matter anymore, forget it." Lovino said before running off.

Antonio stared at the boy and his worry grew.  
 _Why was Lovi acting like that? Is he hiding something from me?_

Trying to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of his mind, he ran off to his next class.

~VeVeVe~

 _Stupid bastard and his stupid concern._ Lovino stared off into space in the middle of class and his mind started to wander.

He was mad at himself for one; not being able to help his brother and two; sending that goddamn E-mail. Surely he wouldn't hear the end of that one.

"Hey! Lil' man! Wake up" Lovino was snapped out of his stupor by none other that Gilbert Beilschmidt. "What do you want?!" He snapped. Gilbert simply grinned and begun to ruffle Lovino's hair.

" _Well_. I don't know if you heard but, The awesome me Is having a party and since you're Toni's boy toy, I thought I would invite you!"

Lovino nearly chocked on his own spit. "Bastard!" His face was growing red and his fisted balled.

Gilbert had walked off before the flustered Italian could answer. _People don't actually think of us like that? right?_ Lovino sighed and walked off to lunch.

~VeVeVe~

"Maybe Lovi's worried about that test or something…" Antonio murmured to himself. He had been trying to figure it out all day and had little to no progress.

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the smaller figure walking towards him. The two collided and a small "Ve!" was heard.

Clutching his head, Antonio attempted to stabilize himself.

"Feli?" He saw the boy across from him, in the same position as himself.

"Ve! I'm sorry Toni!" He cried out. Antonio chuckled and gave a reassuring smile. "It's fine Feli!"

Feliciano smiled back at him but then winced, rubbing his head.

Noticing his friends discomfort, Antonio spoke up, "Feli are you okay?"

Feliciano moved his hand from his head to reveal a forming bump. "Oh! Oh Dios! I'm sorry Feli! We should get you to the nurse-"

"No!"

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two.

"Uh, I mean… Thanks Toni but I'm fine." Feliciano gave a nervous smile before darting off down the hall.

Antonio frowned at the boy's behavior but shrugged it off.

He began walking towards the cafeteria when he heard the sound of the piano. _Oh Look, Pretty music!_

He rushed towards the room and slowly entered, knowing what was waiting for him.

 **AN: Anyone notice the english dub reference?**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hey guys. Well we are starting with Antonio P.O.V**

 **Enjoy!**

He stared at the wooden door in front of him while the lovely melody flew in threw his ears, soothing him. He slowly opened the door and stepped in.

There he saw Roderich Eldstein, his ex-boyfriend. They still held a friendly relationship with each other but it was still awkward.

"What is it Antonio?" He stopped his playing. Startled from the sudden question, Antonio blinked dumbly. "Oh yes! I was just wondering how you were doing. I heard your music,

it was quite lovely." For some reason he was feeling awfully nervous talking to his ex.

Of course he saw Roderich as more than just an ex, they _were_ friends after all.

"Don't bullshit me Antonio, you're upset, is it Lovino?" Frankly, Antonio wasn't sure which was more surprising, the out of character swear or the accuracy of the statement. "I- Nothing is wrong." Roderich gave an unimpressed glance as if he was saying, "sure..."

"Ok fine, Lovi sent me an E-mail that was worrisome... And now he won't talk to me!"

He spent the next ten minutes describing the E-mail to Roderich, who listened intently. "It sounds to me that there isn't actually a 'Friend'..."

Antonio stopped and thought. He was honestly very confused with the statement and thus cocked his head at an odd angle. Roderich sighed, noticing the others bewilderment.

"What I'm talking about is that; Lovino might be actually talking about himself when he says his 'friend' is going through a rough time." Antonio processed this input and after a while of thinking he gasped. "So my Lovi is sad or something!" He exclaimed in horror.

Roderich nodded solemnly. The e-mail had stated that Lovino wanted to tell someone something, important. There were only a few possibilities to what it could be.

"Should I do something? I'm quite worried about him." Antonio asked, a small bead of sweat trailing down his brow. Before Roderich could answer correctly, the bell rang ending the lunch break. "Well, you should go to class. It was nice talking to you. Just whatever you do, don't force anything out on him!" He warned. "Got it!"

 _I really hope he knows what he's' doing._

Antonio pranced through the halls to his geometry class which he happened to have with Lovino.

He immediately spotted that head of auburn hair among the crowd. "Lovi!" He screeched ever so loudly.

"What the fuck do _you_ want?!" Lovino huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Antonio smiled at the boy's usual brashness.

"I Just wanted to see how you were doing. I'm glad you're talking to me again!"

Lovino blushed, "I am not! I mean, I was never even avoiding you in the first place, your big head is hard to miss."

This was more like the Lovi he knew. Although, he was still concerned about Lovino's earlier behavior.

The two entered to class and sat down at their desks.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?"

Lovino rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. "Yes I am." And with that, the bell rang again to signal the beginning of class.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Don't know how long the last chapter was but this one seems pretty long maybe the longest. Also a few trigger warnings, nothing too big, but if you are uncomfortable, I suggest this fic isn't for you.**

"Oi! Bastard, the bell rung an entire minute ago!"

Antonio was taken out of his daze, looking up at the boy in front of him. He glanced at the clock, his eyes widened, Lovi was right!

"Oh! It is, I'm sorry, did I make you wait, you won't miss the bus will you?!"

Lovino scoffed at his usual ditzy behaviour. He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Just hurry up before I leave you…" He said under his breath. Antonio smiled at that and got up from his desk so quickly he almost knocked the chair over. He ran to catch up with Lovino who was just about to exit the room.

On the walk towards the parking lot, the two were enveloped with an awkward silence, neither daring to speak as if it would cause a sudden disaster. Antonio slowly glanced at the shorter boy. Even though Lovino refused to let him know anything, the Spaniard was still slightly suspicious. He wanted Lovino to be more open with him, but even getting a simple hello was challenging in itself.

"Lovi, I know you want to act like nothing ever happened…" He started, "But, I really am getting a bit worried!" He finally got it out of his system. Lovino didn't know, or at least Antonio didn't think he knew, but the Spaniard was always looking out for his friend.

Lovino sighed. "Look, I'm completely fine, I was just-" Antonio cut him off.

"Stop saying that, you always do it!" He half screamed. Lovino's eyes widened.

"You always say that I should never worry about you! But I can't help it. For dio's sake, you had a panic attack and left me out of the loop for two weeks!"

Lovino was actually a very insecure person, he also had fits of anxiety, and sometimes he couldn't hold it in. He never wanted anyone to know about that, but Feliciano told Antonio accidently, thinking he already knew.

"That was four months ago!" He screamed back. He sighed, he honestly didn't want to talk about this here or now. "Look, I promise that if I feel bad I'll tell you, but I'm fine!"

Before Antonio could respond, Lovino swiftly darted towards his bus.

* * *

Lovino angrily stomped into the kitchen, lazily plopping his bag on the floor. He noticed Feliciano's stuff wasn't there, which meant one of two things; He either stayed after school with his friends or he went to their house. Then again he could also be staying after school and _then_ went to someone's house. It didn't matter right now, as much as Lovino hated Feliciano's friends, he knew they would keep his brother happy and safe.

"How the fuck am I supposed to do this shit?!" He screamed at nothing. Their mother was clearly not there, most likely working late shifts. Lovino's fists were clenched, his eyes wild. But he knew if he broke something he'd have to see someone again. He hated going to therapist's they made him feel inferior, more than he already felt. He knew they helped for some people but he just hated everyone he saw.

"Why am I such a fuck-up?" He whispered to himself. Just then he remembered Antonio's smiling face and felt a bit of rage boil in his stomach. Whenever he felt sad he would always replace that feeling with anger, and it worked. Except for that time when he seemed to lose his capability to switch gears and went ballistic.

"Lovi, are you okay?"

He jerked his head up at the voice. It was Feliciano, his brother. He was fine, just fine, at least he hoped so.

"I heard you yell outside, are you alright, do I have to call Mama?" He asked, looking frightened.

Lovino sighed, he honestly didn't want to deal with his mother at the moment. "I'm fine, just frustrated." Feliciano looked even more uneasy.

"It's because of me isn't it?" He whispered. Lovino looked at him in shock. Feliciano's head was drooping and his eyes were clouded and he looked as if he wanted to cry and scream at the same time.

"No! Feli it isn't you it's just!-"

"No! It's always me! I make you stressed and then you are upset! It's my fault!"

"No! Stop it! Don't always blame yourself."

"How can I not! I always cause you trouble, and I don't want you to hate me!"

"It's my fault, It's my fault, it's my fault…" Feliciano murmured to himself like a mantra. His eyes seemed crazed and his nails were digging into his palms.

"FELICIANO, STOP IT FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Lovino hollered. Feliciano's eyes snapped open, he looked as if he aged 20 years in those few seconds. In unhuman like speed, he dashed through the kitchen up the stairs. Lovino was stunned and tried to chase him but he was too fast. He just turned the corner when he heard the door of his brother's room slam shut. He then heard the click of the lock.

Lovino dashed into his own room and punched the wall. He refused to feel upset so he just sat on the floor his head in his knees, letting his anger take over.


	5. Chapter 5

"You want me to what!?"

"Shhhh!" Gilbert whispered, quite loudly in contrast.

"We're your awesome friends and you thinking your little boy toy is in trouble, we'll totally help!"

Antonio frowned, Okay maybe it _wasn't_ a good idea to tell Gilbert and Francis about his worries for Lovi but it's too late now. He was now sitting in Gilbert's room (the Beilschmidt basement), listening to his and Francis's ideas on how to work things out.

The three of them had been friends for forever but Lovi didn't seem to like them too much, which was somewhat understandable. They were rowdy and liked teasing him, even though Antonio also did his own share of that.

"I just... don't know." He said hesitantly.

"But of course you don't! For Christ's sake, you're Spanish!" declared Francis, waving his arms around dramatically.

Antonio frowned at that, _what does that mean?_ He thought to himself but decided not to voice his thoughts.

"Look, man. You seriously think that little Depressy Downer Lovi is actually going to tell you shit, then you won the prize for the world's biggest moron."

This time Antonio did share his thoughts; "Hey! I'm not stupid."

"We never said you were, it's just… how do I put this nicely?" Francis paused, "You're like the mixture of morning after pills together with an innocent puppy."

"Yeah, or a stoner, the giddy stoner." Gilbert added.

Antonio rolled his eyes at the two and went back to his own thoughts. Maybe he was just thinking too hard (haha, surprise there). And even if people did think Antonio was truly stupid, they were most definably wrong. He drank, had one-night stands, and many other things. I mean, he was 18 for fuck's sake.

And now that he thought about it, he was 18 and had very few problems. Even though he wasn't a virgin, he tried his hardest to not have sex, much to his friends amusement. So the chance of either getting an STD or someone pregnant was quite low. He also had the inability to go through "phases". He heard many people talk about their own "phases". But the thing is, he never believed in such things. A person was a person and naturally, they change.

"Antonio! Did you seriously just zone out on me, not awesome." Gilbert scolded, snapping Antonio back into reality.

"Oh yeah…" Only now had the three noticed that in their little meeting, they actually hadn't really talked much about the topic at hand.

"So… what do you suppose I do?" Antonio asked.

Gilbert shrugged, "Trust your tiny, turtle-sized instincts."

Okay then, time to check off 'Friends with strange metaphors' off of his bucket list.

"Well then…" Antonio said, stretching out his words to seem somewhat interested. "I'm going to go see Lovi, I'll catch up with you guys later."

"Catch up where? We ain't going anywhere!"

"Yeah, whatever." He dismissed and exited the room and then the house entirely.

* * *

When he arrived at the Vargas household he noticed the door was slightly ajar, and him being Antonio decided that was the sign of "Come in!"

He walked up the stairs to Lovino's room and knocked on the door. When he heard no response he decided to simply go in anyways. As soon as he stepped inside, he tripped over something, falling straight on his face.

He winced at the impact and turned to see what he tripped on.

"Lovi?!"

He covered his mouth, for the boy was sound asleep, sprawled out in front of the door. His eyes were puffy and tear stains traveled down his cheeks. This clearly was a very worrying sign for the Spanish man. Antonio carefully took his arm and placed it under Lovino's back, lifting his upper body onto his lap. Antonio then started to pet the other boy's hair soothingly.

"Oh Dio, Lovi…"


End file.
